JUST OPENING A CAN OF WORMS.

one of the biggest barriers in my life (causing me anxiety) is that i don't receive "support" or even encouragement when i'm doing ANYTHING in my life because my family doesn't wanna see anyone doing better than them or anything different than them that they can't take credit for. that's the major reason why amanda doesn't even speak to me, she has an in-law who works at courage kenny- so all of a sudden she can act like she was a "supportive" and "caring" person to me and get credit for me attending that overrated excuse of a rehab. "institute". I WENT TO COURAGE KENNY WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS ALIVE. I'M DONE WITH THAT SHIT. OH YEAH! HOT DOG! I WANNA WASTE MORE OF MY FUCKING LIFE BEING TOLD I'M TOO DISABLED TO DO THINGS AND BE SHOVED ON EXERCISE MACHINES MY LIVING ROOM WALL COULD DO! I'M MENTALLY DISABLED! I WON'T KNOW THAT I'M WASTING MY TIME WHILE MY FAMILY APPEARS "CARING" AND "SUPPORTIVE" DOING SHIT I MUST HAVE DONE AT LEAST FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO. APPARENTLY TO AMANDA AND ALL MY UNCARING FAMILY- I'M MENTALLY DISABLED, SO I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME! you're a complete fucking idiot if you don't understand why i'm moving OUT of this state. WITH "SUPPORT" AND ENCOURAGEMENT LIKE THIS! RIGHT AMANDA?! FUCKIN SELFISH IDIOT. same with my stupid ass lazy mom. i'm remembering that my psychologist told me i should write this letter to amanda in a NOTEBOOK (so everyone wouldn't be able to read it and i'm thinking because she recognizes that it won't be a very nice letter). she's not worth the time writing it in a notebook.. YOU LIKE THAT?! JUST GIVING YOU A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE, IDIOT! now.. my mom.. i figure just disrespecting her will do the trick like she disrespects ME and MY life. she won't be able to take credit for anything i do for myself if i move because her kids are the ONLY thing she's ever made in her life which actually do something. that's all she can take credit for in her life and she couldn't even fuckin take care of us by herself. afterall- jay and i lived at my grandparents' house for most of our lives while her youngest daughter ended up living with her and managing to spread her legs and get pregnant at TWELVE FUCKING YEARS OLD (that was JUST the FIRST time- followed by a couple more and a few visits to the abortion clinic). a realization just came to me- my sister seems to want to act like me since we were younger and I never got pregnant.. in fact- i think i lost my virginity at about 21. ANOTHER BIG REASON WHY SHE'S NOTHING LIKE ME! NEVER HAS BEEN.. NEVER WILL BE. my mom has never worked an actual job or done anything with her life.. so she jumps on the opportunity of trying to make her disabled daughter JUST like her!.. except i DID graduate high school with honors and i've attended a few colleges, along with worked a few jobs. YOU SEE THAT? NOTHING ALIKE. the only similarities you'll find is with your youngest child! who i'm sure you like best anyway- judging from the fights jay, amy, and i used to have when we were younger and you always favored amy while jay and i would get in trouble. go try to ruin fat amy's life. seeing as i know you can read now (which you faked basically all my life- saying you couldn't read so you didn't have any jobs) but you coincidentally got the ability to read once you found out i had a blog. you're everything i try my hardest to avoid being. an example of what i NEVER wanna be my whole life. however- the second you see a person who has anything in common with you (we both have brain injuries.. however yours is nuchal chord so you should've learned to LIVE with it) even working hard to get outta this shit- you gotta try to cling to them because misery loves company. that's another thing i don't understand- you used to say, "THIS IS YOUR OWN LIFE! LIVE IT WHERE YOU WANT!" but then all of a sudden- a few years ago, you act like you actually care and are concerned about me moving elsewhere (well.. if whining to my grandma's friends on the phone and our family is considered "concern" and "care")- I'VE COVERED ALL THE BASES. I'M WORKING ON HOUSING, I ALREADY ATTENDED NUMEROUS COLLEGES, WORKED JOBS SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO PUT ON MY RESUME. YOU HAVEN'T DONE SHIT FOR ME FOR AT LEAST THE LAST TEN YEARS OR SO. don't try to take advantage of my location, so people will assume you actually support and/or care for me because YOU DON'T. if this is that idiot amanda's idea of distracting me from moving somewhere else and creating a life of MY own- she's just showing her LACK of intelligence. you're not gonna get credit for helping or supporting me because you can't even answer the fucking phone.. for me or the emergency room. I COULD BE DEAD! DOESN'T CONCERN YOU! "YOU GOT THIS!" NO.. i do NOT "got this"! because i'm in the same damn state i've lived in basically my whole life. talk to me when you GAIN INTELLIGENCE. YOU GOT THIS! GROW A HEART AND A BRAIN. YOU GOT THIS! i've researched different locations and the second i find somewhere that's actually rated HIGHER than minnesota for health care, jobs, and environment among other things- *CRICKETS* when an apartment actually becomes available there. NO THANKS TO AMANDA! "WAIT FOR AMANDA TO HELP YOU MOVE!" that's what my grandma told me almost every night towards the end of her life during our phone conversations we had with each other EVERY night. if you had ANY intelligence- you would've helped me move to the east coast before i revealed all this shit i've had to go through.. the only good thing about this (which i'm sure you have knowledge of and are trying to take advantage of it since you don't either) is NOBODY GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT STACY! SO WHO CARES THAT YOU DON'T SUPPORT ME! YOU'LL DO IT WHEN YOU FIND TIME AND IT BENEFITS YOU! i'm just grateful i actually have ONE cousin who actually gives a damn about me- joe. i may have gone crazy by now if i didn't have him. maybe you'll learn some things from him.. instead of more than likely making entitled, selfish, more than likely- bigoted remarks about him (since i know YOU and your husband are grump supporters.. take my cousin down along with the economy and health care!.. NOBODY CARES! MAKKKE AMERIKKKA GRATE AGAIN!).